Ashley & Mackenzie Move-in...

Yesterday was a day filled with confusion, distress, and change. In a nutshell, we went over with the van and helped Ashley move all her stuff out of the apartment she had with her boyfriend. His refusal to put Ashley and their daughter above all other women and substances in his life (putting it mildly) ...contributed to yesterday's events. They moved into our extra bedroom. Ashley works nights so she cares for the baby all day, but I'll take care of her at night. She has complained that one of the biggest problems she has with the baby is that she won't go to sleep until after midnight. I left her in the dual care of Mark and Austin while I went to back-to-school night last night. She was crying when I got back, but I laid down beside her, sang every lullaby I could think of at least five times, and she was asleep at 9:00. I was feeling good that I still had "the touch" until her mommy came home at 9:30 and woke her up for a bath, playing, and two hours of watching "Little Mermaid." And of course, that kept her up till after midnight. She's 16 mos. old. I won't write the words that came to mind, but I bit my tongue. This is going to be tough, from the Grandma perspective, but also a lot of fun. It was a good experience for the girls to get to feed her be around a baby girl. She ate great and had fun in her highchair for dinner. Isn't she cute!

HOORAY! I GOT A CALLBACK!

I'm pretty excited. Just got off the phone from the local elementary/middle school district person in charge of hiring for the Special Education Instructional Aide position that's available. They will be doing the assessment testing next Tuesday at 9am so that's where I'll be. It's only from 9-12 on school-day mornings. I give all the credit to a professor I had last year. She was a fantastic teacher and wrote me a terrific letter. When I first enrolled in her class and found out she was a staunch liberal democrat, I was afraid we would really be at odds with each other, but it was not the case. She helped me better understand her point of view and where she was coming from and in turn, she gave me the chance to share my beliefs and explain where I am coming from. It was great and I even came to agree with her on several things.

Old Pasadena & Returning to Our Roots....in Long Beach!

...all in one week! Last weekend was pretty fun. We went over to Glendale to pick up Mark's mom and take her out to lunch in Pasadena. Walking around all the little shops is always fun. I know Joey and Austin were thinking they'd rather be somewhere else...but no matter how fun or not fun...it's just nice having everyone all together. There's Joey, Austin, Mark and his mom in the foreground. She only stands about 4'9" these days. Nobody knows how Mark ever came into this life through her...haha!

After Aunt Wynne's funeral last week we decided to drive all over Long Beach with Mom and Dad leading the way. We stopped at Grammy & Papa's old house on 63rd, as well as Mema's house which was next door. Things have really aged over there, but they weren't as run-down as I had feared. Then we saw Dave & Chrissy's old house that was around the corner and the house my mom lived in on 64th St. Next was on to my dad's old house on California Ave., followed by a drive past Grammy's old house on Forhan St. It was much, much smaller than I recalled. Along the way, we drove by my mom and dad's high school, David Starr Jordan. I snapped a picture with my phone as we drove by...

Miracles Have Not Ceased...

"Go ahead and pinch me!" I guess that's what I'm saying as my feet do the walking and I go in voluntarily for a mammagram today. Boy, those can sure hurt! I thought I had put it off for two years, but my doctor double-checked the file and said it had been four. That was hard to believe!

It was three and a half years ago that I had a mass show up in my chest and left underarm on an x-ray and a ct scan. Miraculously though, after two weeks of prayers, a day of fasting and the faith of my loved ones and friends, my "pet scan" showed it was gone! The radiologist even included in his report that he went back over my ct scan and x-ray just to verify there was no mistake and declared that my old Hodgkin's disease scar tissue was evident in all three: the x-ray, the ct scan, and the pet scan two weeks later, which proved they were all my scans. I know my Heavenly Father heard my prayers and answered them.

I had my four children at the time, as well as a troubled step-child with nowhere else to go and a special needs foster child who all needed me very badly. I was also treasurer for the pta with too much on my plate. I had no doubt that the stress of it all had brought this on. I had been told in '93 (while pregnant with Austin, and battling Hodgkins at the same time) that if it came back again my only hope would be a bone-marrow transplant. I was thankful for that, but had to think real hard and work up a lot of courage to actually pray and ask the Lord to take this mass away and let me carry on helping these children. I didn't want to ask that though---why shouldn't I go to chemo like lots of people do? I'm no better than they---I can't ask that! But after much thought, I realized there was nobody who could step in and take charge of the children in my care. It was almost impossible for me to do it--literally. So, I took my cause to prayer and begged the Lord if for nothing else than for all the times I took mean comments from the step-children and turned the other cheek, would He PLEASE, PLEASE let me have my life and take the masses away so I could continue to serve Him and my family?

In Jan 2004 when these new masses were discovered I had been coughing constantly for about six weeks, completing one antibiotic regimen after another with no improvement. When I had the pet scan and it came back normal with no evidence of any mass anywhere, I was so humbled. My coughing faded away, I resigned from my treasurer position and had the special needs child go back to another foster home that was better suited to fill her needs. I had taken on too much.

Every time I knelt down to pray the next couple weeks, I would break into tears and cry. To me, after that experience, I felt it was no longer faith, but knowledge that I had now. That was proof to me (after the trial of my faith) that God lives and hears and answers our prayers....even if we feel we're the most lowly, insignificant person, we're special in his sight and He hears us, loves us and knows everything about us. That gives me great comfort each and every day!

SIDE NOTE: I just have to add one more interesting thing that happened during those events of early 2004. During the six weeks of intense coughing and having the masses show up in my chest and under my arm, I had also asked to have a mole taken off my upper back. It was round, black and flat and just made me nervous since my Papa died in '97 of melanoma. Just as I had received the news about the masses inside me, my doctor also received the lab report back that said the specimin he removed had pre-melanoma cells throughout it with no clean margin. This definitely added to my hysteria at the time! This meant that he had to go back into my back and take a 1" square piece of tissue out where the mole had been=1 inch deep and in each direction. This procedure was scheduled AFTER my pet scan that came back normal. When the doctor did this second procedure, I asked him later how the lab report came out this time. We wanted to see the pre-melanoma cells, but a margin around them of clean tissue---to make sure he got it all. He said the report showed no bad cells---all normal! Either it was a miracle, or my doctor with his human eye and scalpel was able to cut and microscopically seperate the normal cells from the bad cells, the first time around. If you ask me, it was a miracle and I'm so, so thankful for that! Remember, the the scriptures say that the only reason why miracles ever cease to exist is because of unbelief....sorry I got off on a tangent here, but I had to write it in for the record. Have a good day everybody!

Back to School We Go...

I got up with the boys to make lunches and see them off at 5:30am. Actually they leave at 6:05 to make it to seminary at 6:20. They're studying the Old Testament this year. Austin was a little nervous but enjoyed his first day of school. He's got Honors English and Honors Geometry this year. English has him reading 25 pages a night. The book is Farenheit 451 (sort of a futuristic science fiction book written around 1953.) The wierd thing was how it talks about people in the society that don't think for themselves anymore. They have pod-like listening devices in their ears that play music and talk all the time. Eerie! Sounds like Joey and the ipod! The wierder it was, the more interested Austin got. We read 27 pages last night together which was fun. Geometry assigned him to write step by step how to make a pb&j sandwich....as if for a foreign student. Hmmm... must be leading up to an explanation of the mathematical order of operations?

Joey was in the door after school and ready for homework right off the bat. He had to be at work at 5:30 so he knew the pace required to meet all his requirements. He figures this year will decide his career path for him: Physical Therapist or Accountant. He's taking Anatomy/Physiology & Accounting. After day one....Accounting wins hands down. Work was slow, so he was home by 9:45pm. He got his own laundry all done and hung up like he always does. He's so organized about his own things. So proud of him!

The girls were very particular and worried as to what to wear the first day. Ressa wants to shine and look cute/cool/impressive. Melody wants to fit in, not stand out or draw any excess attention to herself.

We walked the first day, though it was almost too hot. They had a great time too. Ressa's first assignment was to fill a small sack with five items representative of her personality: a Barbie dress to show she likes to play dress up, a picture of a piano to show she likes to play piano, a plastic strawberry to show she likes to eat fruit, a marker to show she likes art, and a lip gloss to show she likes to play make-up. Melody really got a chuckle out of getting to tell me that last night THE PARENTS had to do all the homework and fill out all the emergency cards and paperwork. Got it down just barely in the knick of time.

As for me, I finally got settled with two online-only classes: World History (Pre-civilization to 1500) and Intermediate Algebra. I'm registered for a communications class on Tuesday 7-10pm, but then I realized there were only ten signed up for it. A closer look showed me it was on speeches, facts, and rhetoric. BORING! Everyone has filled up the other option which is the class where you give all kinds of speeches. So, I got my "add card" and I'm planning to just show up in there tonight and hopefully get to sign up for it.

My friend, Y.P. called me today and said that my taking classes gave her the guts to sign up for a class in Microsoft Word. I was so happy for her doing that. I can't believe I could motivate anyone to do anything---except for the kids and only if I raise my voice and give a mad look---I know I didn't do that to Y.P. Haha! She was trying to find out the most convenient parking place for her class today. I couldn't come up with any way to possibly explain over the phone how to get there and how to walk down these steps and then make a sharp turn here/there, etc. I had her come over and follow me and it worked out great. Her class was four doors down from my class last semester, so I walked her there and then grabbed my "add card" for tonight.

Next on the agenda, folding tons of laundry and reading the first two chapters of, "What Went Wrong?...The Clash Between Islam and Modernity in the Middle East." Can't wait to read it...I've wondered that same thing myself! It's by Bernard Lewis and was a "New York Times Bestseller" sent off to print just days before 9/11 happened. Should be interesting!

Eulogy for Aunt Wynne

EULOGY FOR WINIFRED GRACE BLACK August 21, 2007 Aunt Wynne was a very special person. She was the last of a great generation. Wynne was the daughter of Edmond Burton Shaw and Dora Hortense Mayberry. Her mother had eight children in Hot Springs, Arkansas: Weltha, Burt, Eva, Gover, Hershel, Amy and Nell. Around 1908, the family moved to Las Cruces, New Mexico where Winifred Grace was born into this world September 16, 1909. To describe this woman you would use words like confident, dynamic, classy, determined, protective, and sociable. Wynne valued her family and counted her close relationships with her sisters, nieces and nephews among her greatest treasures. Wynne was a survivor. Losing her mother at the age of two and her beloved 15 yr old brother, Gover, when she was just six, made for a difficult start in life. Wynne lived with her older sister, Eva and her family until she got married. Wynne acted as the big sister to Eva’s children, and even chose her niece Rosalie’s name. She went to Hurley High in New Mexico and went on to cosmetology school to become a beautician. Anyone who knew Wynne knew she took pride in her appearance. She had a talent for hair, an eye for fashion, and a great sense of style. She always tried to look her best. Wynne came to California in the early 1930s. She was one of the original flappers. Running a “Supper Club” in Long Beach with her boyfriend, Ralph, was great fun for Wynne. She even traveled to Caracas, Venezuela to work in the restaurant business for a time, but returned to Long Beach, which she always called “home.” It was there where she met the love of her life, John Black, or her “Darling Jimmy” as she affecionately called him. Jimmy’s position in the Long Beach Police Department as Chief of Detectives gave Wynne many opportunities to shine. She loved to entertain and was a natural hostess who enjoyed social gatherings. She had many friends and was well-liked. She loved inviting friends and family into her home and was always ready to teach anyone bridge, mah-jong, or even some dance steps if they showed an interest. Wynne spent many an afternoon at the Bridge Center and Yacht Club in Long Beach. She loved playing cards and was a champion at bridge. Even after her sight began to fail, she still wanted to play bridge and bingo. Oftentimes in the Senior Center, more folks would request to sit by her at her table, than there were seats available. That was Aunt Wynne---bubbly, glowing, and at the heart of the action. Charity work was important to Wynne. She was instrumental in raising thousands of dollars for the Children’s Benefit League. She would sponsor luncheons and dances to benefit children in need. Though she never had any of her own, Wynne loved children and knew how to make them feel special. And they in turned loved her. Her nieces, April, Barbie, Marilyn and Stephanie loved to guess what fancy outfit Aunt Wynne would be wearing when she arrived each year on Christmas Eve. Upon entering the room, the girls would surround Wynne and she always had an announcement to make: “I just saw the lights of Santa’s sleigh pass over the freeway. He’s on his way!” Any effort a child made to entertain her was met with sincere praise and adoration from Wynne. Always a lady, Wynne’s greatest passion was ballroom dancing. Since her youth, she loved to dance. The fairytale romance between Wynne and Jimmy was expressed through their dancing. It drew them close and was their favorite pastime several times a week. Wynne loved to travel. Driving the open highways visiting national parks with her husband was very enjoyable to her. She loved traveling to Hawaii with her sister, Nell and their husbands. Getting her picture taken with Don Ho was a highlight of the trip. Wynne loved to say that Jimmy never spoke a cross word to her except to express a little disatisfaction at her “always being late”. Other than that, she thought he was perfect. It was a very difficult time for Wynne when Jimmy passed away in 1980, but once again, in the face of personal loss, she held her head up and tried to lessen her sadness by doing the things that brought joy to herself and others. She continued her dancing and found a kind, distinguished gentleman in her dance partner, Fred who was a dance instructor himself. After Fred’s passing, Burt came into her life. Burt was not only Wynne’s dance partner, but served her with loving care. He was always there for her and never left her side when her health problems arose. A walk through Wynne’s home was evidence to the things that came first in her life. There were trophies from her dancing and bridge playing achievements. And throughout the beautiful décor, one could find the numerous cards, letters and well-wishes that came from friends and family all year long. She decorated her dining table with them. They meant so much to her. She would read and re-read them. And when her sight became a challenge, she would ask others to read them to her. On other tables and countertops, Wynne displayed every picture of her nieces and nephews that she ever received. She loved them all. A closer look into her home would reveal the envelopes she framed and hung in her kitchen. She was proud of her Uncle Charley, a talented artist, and loved how he would paint a picture on the outside of any letter he sent her. She framed a few of these and hung them in her kitchen to remember him by. Wynne loved her family, but made it very clear who her hero was. She said she kept a picture of her hero in her wallet. If you asked to see it, she would open up to a picture of her Savior, Jesus Christ, that she kept in plastic as a reminder of who she looked to for strength and peace. Wynne was raised in the Baptist faith and loved the Lord. She was a prayerful woman and turned to him for help against her biggest fear---being alone. In her later years, when Wynne could no longer drive, getting to dine out on the town with family and friends meant so much to her. She looked forward, with great anticipation, to monthly dinners out with niece and nephew, Carol and David, and their families. She loved going with April to La Palapa to watch people dance and listen to the live jazz bands on the beach. Wynne never missed an episode of her favorite “reality TV” show, “The Batchelor”. She loved getting a call from niece, Carol during each episode when they would talk, laugh, and try to anticipate the show’s outcome. When it was no longer possible for Wynne to live in her home, she was moved into the Alamitos Belmont Rehab Facility. Again, the Lord blessed her with a loving friend and companion in Mr. Nick Dallas, her fiance at the time of her passing. He had much in common with Wynne and showed sincere love and concern for her throughout her trials. Wynne will always hold a special place in our hearts and the hearts of all those whose lives have been made a little bit better, a little bit happier, because of her special touch. In spite of our grief at her passing, we know what Wynne always knew: she was going home, back to see the mother she never really knew, the husband she missed so much, and her dear friend, Jesus, whom she loved most of all. Wynne, may God be with you till we meet again.

Amusing Ways of Looking at Things...

Heard on a cartoon this morning:

"Is there anything worse than having your dad fight your battles?"

".....Watching your dad LOSE your battles."

Heard from Austin this morning after he carefully picked out some new clothes and shoes we bought to wear today and fixed his hair and sprayed on cologne, preparing for the Freshman Orientation at the high school from 8am - 1pm.

Austin: "What if I don't know anybody?"

Mom: "Don't worry you will see friends from the time you get there. There will only be freshman there all day and they have a lot of fun activities planned for the day."

Austin: "Mom,

(pause)

is it possible they might not like me because

(pause)

I look too cool?"

Wynne's Funeral Date

Wynne's funeral has been set for Wednesday at 2:30pm in Long Beach.

Ancestor of the Week.....

"DORA HORTENSE MAYBERRY SHAW"

(Inspired by Cousin Kev's question: WHO IS AUNT WYNNE?)

Dora Hortense Mayberry was born August 19, 1874 in Hot Springs, Arkansas. She married Burton Edmond Shaw on Sept. 7, 1893 in Arkansas. He worked as a carpenter and his father was a minister. He was the son of John B. Shaw and Delphina (Baird) Shaw. Burton and Dora lived next door to his brother Willis Shaw and his wife and kids. So lots of cousins grew up right next-door to each other.

Dora was the mother of nine children, (five girls and four boys.) Their children were:

1. Weltha Beatrice Shaw b. 1894
2. William Burton "Burt" Shaw b. 1896
3. Eva Abethal Shaw b. 1898
4. Gover Alexander Shaw b. 1900
5. Hershel Edson Shaw b. 1902
6. Amy Pearl Shaw b. 1904
7. Baby did not survive
8. Nellie Claire Shaw b. 1907
9. Winifred Grace Shaw b. 1909

Here's a picture of Burt hanging out with Rufus, Eva's husband (Rosalie's dad).

My grandma, Rosalie's mother was Eva Abethal Shaw, the 3rd child in the family. We called her "Mee-Mah." I'm not sure why.

All of the children were born in Hot Springs, Arkansas except for Wynne who was born in Las Cruces, New Mexico.

Here's the 8th child, Aunt Nell, who was very close with Wynne as well as Eva.

The youngest sister was Winifred Grace Shaw or "Aunt Winnie" which the kids called her or "Aunt Wynne" as most adults called her. She married John "Jimmy" Black who came in as the Chief of Detectives of Long Beach in the 60s and risked his life bringing down all sorts of corruption within the police department at the time. There are newspaper articles in the Long Beach Herald Examiner from that period that show his picture and honor him as a hero. Wynne had a letter that was Jimmy's written and signed by J.Edgar Hoover regarding that situation.

Dora, their mother, died March 12, 1912, in Las Cruces, New Mexico, leaving Weltha age 18, Burt age 16, Eva age 14, Gover, age 12, Herschel age 10, Amy age 7, little Nell at age 5 and Winnie only 3 yrs. It must have been extremely difficult for their father. I understand that Weltha spent her time as a school teacher and my great-grandma Eva was responsible for most of the care of the younger girls. Eva fell in love with Rufus Henry when she was 17 and he was 25. She was afraid her father would never support her getting married with all the young children in the home, oldest sister Weltha wouldn't allow it, so she did not bother asking anyone's permission when she wanted to marry at age 17. She and Rufus eloped. But she still played a big part in raising Nell and Wynne.

In Sept, 1915, the 15 yr. old brother Gover died from accidentally diving into shallow water. Aunt Wynne's passing marks the end of an era as she was the last surviving member of the family. Surely a wonderful reunion is taking place on the other side. The funeral will be Wednesday next week at the Sunnyside cemetery in Long Beach. Actually the same place where her father is buried.

Registering, Organizing, Shopping & Negotiating

....with my four children, that is. We've done an awful lot of that the past few days. Yesterday I spent more than a couple hours inside Kohl's shopping with the girls. Austin got invited over to a friend's house from church, so he had a much better time than if he'd gone with us. Melody is very particular about what she wears and how it fits and looks on her. Rather than try and convince her to go with the more frilly options, I gave her a lot of freedom this time and let her show me what looked good to her. Joey says she has an eye for clothes like a "surfer girl." They all looked great on her and were comfortable which can be a huge source of upset on a school morning. And if I get excited about something she tries on saying, "Oh my gosh Melody, that is SO CUTE on you," she will tend to not want it, sensing it might draw unwanted attention to herself that she would rather avoid. And if some clothes have hearts or something cute appliqued to it, she immediately thinks it for a baby. I suppose it's a tough spot to be the youngest and not want to be seen as "the baby in the family." Poor girl! She was very happy with what she got though.

Ressa on the other hand, was on a mad hunt for a "high school musical" t-shirt from the minute we got there. She added a "high school musical" purse at the end which we negotiated over. She loves the long arm gloves and the skirts with leggings under them that are the "thing" now. She couldn't resist the "my brother drives me bananas" t-shirt as well.

Next post will cover the boy's shopping and more on the subject of registering and negotiating. I better go strap on my battle gear and armor for another day at the mall. Now we're looking for Austin some clothes and shoes for everybody. I love the Famous Footwear $10 off coupons. They will help today.

SIDEBAR:

Just have to add a little blessing I attribute to paying tithing. Others might disagree, but in the back of my little mind I call these things blessings for doing something right. I was in Kohl's yesterday seeing a trillion signs all over the store saying "Get 15%, 20% or 30% off your purchases when you use your Kohl's charge today." You had to bring in your ad from home or do a scratcher at the checkout. I was bummed out that I got the 15% off in the mail. Coupon queens like myself are frustrated if we don't have the 30% in a situation like this. I walked up to the cashier to see a friend of mine in line ahead of me. She had the 30% off and asked the checker said I could use hers too. He said yes, and I was so excited! Her happening to be right there saved me $50!

Finally Deciding on School...

The other night I had to decide by 11pm which classes to register for and pay for or I'd be kicked out of them anyway. I paid for 13 units, but I'm also on a waitlist for a 4 unit class as well. One spot in an online-only history class popped up so I grabbed it. I'm now seeing the virtues of the online-only classes. It would solve all sorts of scheduling complications to just work from my computer at home on my own time.

I'm registered for:

1. Social Psychology Thurs (2:00-3:30)
2. Abnormal Psychology Fri (9am-12)
3. World History/pre-history to 1500. (Online only)
4. Math 420 Intermediate Algebra (Tues/Thurs 7-9pm)

I'm on the waiting list for:

1. Human Anatomy & Physiology: Tues/Thurs (9:30-11) + Thurs (12:30-2pm) lab.

• If I get the job, I will keep Social Psychology, History, and Math for 10 units.
• If I don't get the job, I will keep Social Psych, Abnormal Psych, History, and Psysiology for a total of 13 units.
• If 13 units is too hard, I can always drop one within the first two weeks or so.
• All the children will be in school until 3:05 and I will just walk the 1/4 mile to pick up the girls from school.
• Joey will be driving he and Austin this year and they get out at 2:30. So he can pick up the girls from school on Thursday afternoon when my class gets out at 3:30. (except when wrestling starts up the middle of November....then I'll figure out something for the four remaining Thursdays of the semester.)

I got one of the Letters of Recommendation from a friend of mine yesterday. Now hopefully I'll get the letter from Dr. D in the mail today. I really want to get it in today even though the posting is up till next Friday.

I'm going to try and get a babysitter tonight so we can go see the Bourne Ultimatum. With Joey at Mammoth till Saturday and Austin off camping tonight that leaves the girls. We'll see what happens.

Aunt Wynne Passed Away Today...

She had just been signed up and started with hospice today. They removed all the tubes and iv's, and left the oxygen going. Carol saw her today and commented on how completely peaceful she appeared to be, compared to the miserable state she was in at the hospital. It's nice to think of her reuniting again with her mother whom she had never known as well as her father and sisters and brothers who all proceeded her in death. She loved the time she spent with her Grandma with the long shiny dark hair. She would recall seeing her brush it and brush it. I have no doubt that she is reunited with all her loved ones and her husband Jimmy who meant so much to her too. The funeral with be in Long Beach on either Monday, Wednesday or Friday next week at around 3pm. Could possibly be a week from Saturday, but I'll find out tomorrow.

What's the part of you that no one sees?

I'll admit I got a little bit carried away with all the quizzes at blogthings.com. This one was a little odd, but it beats the results I got on "What's Your Rapper Name?" or "Are You Ready to be a Diva?" or "What European City do you Belong in?" For the record, mine was Dublin.

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are compassionate, caring, and soothing. You like other people to depend on you... In fact, you don't feel right unless you are helping someone out. Underneath it all, you feel the burden of everyone's problems. Without your guidance, you fear that many people's worlds would fall apart. You like to feel in charge, even if it brings you a lot of stress.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

My Personality Type

You Are An ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. In love, you are very protective and supporting. However, you do need to "feel special" - and it's quite easy for you to get jealous. At work, you are a natural leader. You can help people discover their greatest potential. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist. How you see yourself: Trusting, idealistic, and expressive When other people don't get you, they see you as: Bossy, inappropriate, and loud

What's Your Personality Type?

Update on Aunt Wynne

Several doctors have now concurred that she is in the dying process. Her hands and arms were terribly swelled up--a sign that her kidneys are failing. The doctors are recommending she be classified as a hospice patient with all tubes and iv's removed. If she can't express a need for food, they do not feed her....just give water and try to keep her comfortable. I was all broken up about that yesterday. It seemed cruel to remove everything because she's semi-unconscious. After thinking about it the past 24 hrs, she did not want her life prolonged if she was not "there." So it looks like today or tomorrow she will be moved back to Alamitos-Belmont under hospice care until her passing. Mark gave her a blessing before we left the hospital Monday night. This is not an easy thing to watch.

A True Test for Mom....in the Classroom!

As I have been debating back and forth in my mind over which classes to sign up for this semester, I made some interesting discoveries. Actually I should clarify...I've already signed up. In fact, I'm now signed up for about 17 units! I don't intend to enroll in that many, but I must now decide which ones to keep and which ones to drop. Tuition is due by tomorrow otherwise the computer drops all of your choices. It's quite an online-rat-race to beat other students at registering before the class capacity is filled and the class shows up as "CLOSED." So any classes I saw open that I'd be willing to sit through for four months....I signed up for.

Some decisions, I've already made up my mind about such as: getting a psychology degree from UC Riverside. I'd love to go on to get a master's degree at University of La Verne. The unknowns are deciding who I would like to counsel or teach? Elementary aged kids? Special education classes? High school students? College students? Marriage/family/child counseling?

SIDEBAR: (Jr. high is out---the attitude is horrible at 13. Don't ask me how I know...just some "teenage psychosis" setting in around these parts...this too shall pass.)

As I've been thinking these things over, I recalled my professor from last year said if she had it to do over again, she would become a Special Ed. teacher. Why? There are so many kids coming into the public schools now with autism, fetal alcohol syndrome, drug babies, poor health and slow learners. She said nobody knows what to do with them and if you are credentialed in that, you can just about name your pay. I looked it up on our district website and sure enough:

• A starting elem. ed. teacher makes $42k to $60k depending on their degree and experience.
• A starting special ed teacher makes $60k to $80k depending on their degree and experience!

As I looked around at other job openings I noticed one for an "Instructional Aide-Special Education." Basically the lowest form of teacher on the elementary school campus that pays $13.65 to $16.65. I could make more money working for a CPA, but it just doesn't interest me like it used to. I used to think that was the only thing I was capable of, but going to college has helped me gain the confidence to believe I can do anything I'm willing to work for. Accounting strikes me as a lonely job now. I feel a need to do something more social, that allows me to directly help others in some way. I just need to know if this is something I would enjoy doing and I won't know unless I try.

The hours are 9am-noon on school days. It requires a diploma, a letter of recommendation, and one of the following:

• An associates degree.
• 48 college units completed. (oops I only have 29)
• OR pass the district "Instructional Aide Assessment Tests" and show an ability to read well enough to teach reading.

I was wondering who I could ask for a "Letter of Recommendation" and I recalled my Child Development teacher from last year, Dr. D. The trouble is she retired last May, but after many emails all over the campus looking for her, the phone rang yesterday and it was her! She said she took home some college letterhead when she retired for that very purpose. So she'll write me a letter along with my friend, Arlene, who is also a "Dr." now. Also a friend at church who is a 3rd grade teacher said she would write me a letter also. I'm counting on my experience having a special needs (schizophrenia/auditory processing disorder/fetal alcohol syndrome) foster child for two years, working with two special needs (bipolar & learning disability) step-daughters, and teaching music to a group of 50 children at church every Sunday for the past 3 years....Well, hopefully those are enough qualifications for them to trust me on the "bottom rung" of the ladder.

NOW, IF I DO get the job, I'd want to take an afternoon class and a Tues/Th 7-9pm class. If I don't get the job, I'd want to take the morning college classes. The job posting closes 8/24. School starts 8/27. I don't know when they will make a decision. Tuition is due tomorrow. What do I sign up for??? All of them? Which ones do I start attending? Which ones do I buy textbooks for? All of them? I have until 11pm tomorrow to figure THAT part out. Ugh!! Wish me luck!

Saturday AM Update on Aunt Wynne

Her doctor called me this morning and said all her vital signs have remained stable enough for her to be moved out of the ICU today. She still is not awake enough to speak or follow commands. He said it's possible that could be because she is not getting adequate enough nutrition from the IV or that she just can't recover from this accident. Yet she's not awake enough to chew and swallow food. So he thought it would be appropriate to insert a feeding tube through her nose, into her stomach to give her actual food. He said once it's in it is not uncomfortable. I asked if that's considered extraordinary means to prolong her life and he said, no he didn't think so, since young patients get feeding tubes from time to time also. However, surgically inserting a tube into her stomach would be extraordinary in his opinion.

I told him to go ahead and do that. He said the next couple days will tell more to predict the remaining quality of her life. If she responds to the food and "comes to" she will be able to communicate and interact again at the Rehab hospital. If she does not, then a decision would have to be made at a future point as to whether keeping in the feeding tube was appropriate. I'm sort of glad that her other niece Carol is returning from her vacation tonight and will be the one to take over making such decisions. I'd like to meet up with Marilyn and Barbie over there today, if possible and visit her again.

The Shoes Don't Lie

Here are my good ol' tennis shoes that are finally being replaced. I had always spent good money and bought tennis shoes that were a a well-known brand name, until I met up with these. I bought them five years ago at Target for about $25 just because they felt so comfortable. I have always felt so proud telling my kids, "Hey check out my shoes--there's nothing wrong with them. They've lasted 3, 4, 5 years now!! You should buy YOUR shoes at Target." Well, the boys never bought off onto that idea, despite the fact that their shoes never last more than 4 months or so. Yet as I noticed the side come apart this week and tossed mine into the trash, an embarrassing realization come over me. I've often exercised in spurts over the years. I'm either wholly committed to a program or completely avoiding one. Truth is, the shoes don't lie. There is no way that a pair of shoes from Target could last that long, had I really exercised as much as I should. It's a bit of a wake-up call. I'm now a little embarrassed to admit they lasted that long!

So I bought a new pair that I found right alongside the good ol' brand name athletic shoes my sons buy at Famous Footwear. It may not be a deal, but we fall for the "2nd pair 1/2 off" deal and the $5 or $10 coupons they send us in the mail all the time. My goal for the new pair is to wear them out much sooner than the last pair. I may have saved money on shoes over the years, but my body paid the price. I'd much rather have my wallet pay the price and let my body benefit this time around!

Update on Aunt Wynne

Here's a more recent photo of Aunt Wynne and her friend Dallas. They are very close. Dallas cares so much for Wynne, he called and arranged for the medical dial-a-ride himself, to pick him up at the convalescent home and take him to the hospital to see Wynne yesterday.

The doctor called today and says Wynne's officially in "Stable Condition." After a blood transfusion yesterday, her own blood is functioning as it should. She's still too weak to speak or open her eyes, but compared to yesterday she has improved. That's good news and to quote Mark and Grammy today, "just goes to show: prayer is powerful stuff." Marilyn is going down to see her tonight and I know she'll love that.

Saying Goodbye to Aunt Wynne

Today was a tough day. I had an 8:30 doctor's appt. Then Mark took the day off to fill an assignment we volunteered for at the Redlands Temple. After attending a 10:45 session we were part of an 8 person crew that got to dust, polish, scour and vacuum the entire interior. It took us all about 2 hours to get done. It was practically spotless to begin with so it was not difficult to clean. Different crews of volunteers come through and do that cleaning twice a week. It was a great experience, actually. The building is so beautiful and the feeling inside is so serene and peaceful. We try to go once a month.

Then I got a phone call about my Aunt Wynne (my great-grandma's baby sister) who is going on 98 next month. She fell a couple nights ago and broke her leg just below the hip. She had to be hospitalized and the doctors recommended operating and putting a steel rod in her leg to hold it strong. The only alternative was for her to live in pain and never sit up again. So after being admitted and suffering a mild heart attack, they operated on her leg Wednesday late afternoon.

She was fiesty with the nurses last night, but woke up this morning unable to breath on her own without them forcing air into her lungs with bags. They did that to extend her life for any family to come visit before she passes on. For the rest of the day she was breathing pretty good on her own. The nurse was able to go from 15 units oxygen down to 5 and still have her breathing properly. Her kidneys were failing her though. Despite the iv fluids she was given all day there was no fluid output, which was a bad sign according to the nurse.

Mark and I drove out to Seal Beach, picked up Grammy and went to visit Wynne in the hospital in Long Beach. Barbie met us there and it was great having her there. We talked and sang and talked some more. It was a very emotional experience. Grammy thanked Wynne for giving her the name "Rosalie." She kissed her cheek and told her it was a wonderful name that she loved. Wynne was too weak to speak or open her eyes, but under the covers you could see her hands with their perfectly polished nails. (The nurses kept her looking so good with polish and makeup). We talked to her about lots of things and even sang to her. Sometimes she would squeeze your hand or make a strong effort to blink her eyes shut hard several times as if to show she was aware of us. She looked like she was trying to smile as we spoke to her from time to time.

I just can't believe it's her time. She has had a broken leg before, a broken facial bone, broken arm, etc. and much to our shock and amazement, has pulled through it and come back strong as ever. I just keep thinking she's going to pull through this too, but the nurse and doctor think she only has a couple days left, if that.

Her passing will mark the end of an era in our family. She brought glamour and sophistication to our family gatherings on Christmas eve each year. It was as if we were watching a grown-up play "dress-up" in reality. My sisters and I always oowed and awed over her gold and silver "box purses," fancy boutique clothing, and the large, but real, diamond rings on almost every finger. Here's a collage of pictures featuring Wynne and sister, Nell when they're older and younger. The bottom photo is of Wynne, Me Marilyn, Darla, baby Joey, and Grammy, back in 1992 or 1993.

As I got to know her better in more recent years, she represented to me a little girl who never knew her mother, and therefore might have lacked the confidence to fill the role of mother herself, never having children. When it came down to it, her "darling Jimmy" as she would call him, was the love of her life. She clung to him, and her material things to fill a desperate need she always had for a sense of security. It wasn't always easy helping her out in recent years, but I'd try to tell myself that my great-grandma took care of her baby sister, Wynne when she was young and if she was looking down on us, she would want to see her sister being cared for when she's old. I will miss her and all the good times. Love you Aunt Wynne!

A Morning in the Park, Unexpected Blossoms, and Closet Avalanches...

For the first time in I don't know how long, I decided to get out early and walk the girls to the park. (Austin couldn't find his favorite basketball so he didn't want to go). It was so nice to get out and feel the temperature down in the 60s. The crepe myrtle trees were so pretty all blooming at the same time. The girls had fun playing on everything. It's such a small world out there. There was one lady at the park with her kids and it happened to be Ashley's 10th grade English teacher. She is also best friends with the daughter of the people who own the restaurant Ashley and Joey work at. Very small world!

I'm also so impressed with this unsuspecting flowering plant. It just has a bunch of pointy long leaves all year round. You can see the sharp points in the background here:

Then for just one month or so out of the year, the sharp pointed ends make a change:

....and turn into this:

I don't even know what it's called, but I always marvel at the complete change it makes for that one month every year. It sort of reminds me of myself in a way. There are habits I might take up for only about one month a year that would serve me so much better if I could just keep up the hard work more consistently. Things like, counting Weight Watcher points, keeping the kids' stuff cleaned out of the car on a daily basis. Or maintaining the cleanliness of bedrooms on a daily basis rather than when "I feel like it." There are some tasks I rarely feel like doing, but they still have to be done. The girls had a real clean room going there for awhile....I thought....until I had to get something out of their closet. An avalanche of toys, organizing baskets, clothes, shoes, and stuffed animals came pouring out! HELP! Honestly, I haven't felt like tackling that bear for several days now. Today I'm going to do something about it. Hearing the girls on Stephanie's blog all give their "testmonials" on how good it feels to de-clutter makes me want to join in and feel a part of that. It's also great to start off a new school year with a nice clean organized bedroom. I better get busy and see what happens!

Check-off list for today:

1. vacuum upstairs
2. scour/sweep/mop my bathroom
3. organize girls' room
4. fold and put away 4 loads
5. piano lessons at 3pm
6. take my friend to the airport at 3:30
7. remind Joey to pick up kids from lessons (so nice to have him driving!)
8. pay Austin to do some more ironing (that's so nice too!)

A Great Day at the Berry Patch

I had been wanting to take the kids out to Riley's farm and pick raspberries, but hadn't nailed down a day. Then Sunday I heard a group of moms were planning to meet at the Spaghetti Factory at 9am Monday to go out there. It's about 45 miles northeast in Oak Glen near Yucaipa. I called up a friend of mine at 8am Monday and we all made it over there by 9:05...me and my girls and her with her 2 girls (same ages as mine) and son. Here she is with her daughter who has been Melody's sidekick all through kindergarten. This lady's a few years older than me and I recently found out she got a degree in Accounting in the Phillipines. That must have something to do with why we get along so well.

We all rode together in our van and had a great time. About six other moms and their kids in a big caravan. It is a 600 acre farm that one family has owned since the early 1900s. There were about five long rows of raspberry bushes. When we got there, the FIRST thing I noticed was that the bushes were swarming with bees.

You could hear the buzzing in the air! Anybody that knows me, knows how terrified I am of anything that stings or flies around uncontrollably. The SECOND thing I noticed was that I wasn't scared! Go figure!

A few months ago, the doctor diagnosed me with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and got me started taking Buspar. It has really changed my life, especially not having the frequent nervous, adrenaline feeling in my stomach that you would feel meeting up with a burglar in the house. I would feel it just by thinking about things I needed to get done or by the ringing of a phone, a knock at the door, or my child tugging at my sleeve. It was a terrible way to live, but it's gone now, without sleepiness, without weight gain, or any other side effects. I had no idea that it would have any effect on my fear of insects. I've let my whole backyard go from time to time just from my intense fear of bees and wasps.

Back to my story....I saw the bees buzzing all over the raspberry bushes, and in my mind it looked like a concern, but my stomach/body did not react to it. No fast heart rate, no nervous stomach ache, etc. I mentioned to the man working, "There are a lot of bees out there, huh?" He instructed me to just make slow movements and they will fly around and not bother you at all. It sounded logical enough and I could see all the other moms and kids picking berries without getting stung.

I guess the Buspar prevented my body from reacting to what my brain did not register as an emergency or a crisis. (I have felt the appropriate nervous fear though when Austin set off the smoke alarm recently confident that he knew how to make bacon.) So I proceeded out there with my kids and each with a basket in hand and moved branches aside slowly, revealing a jackpot of berries underneath. Suddenly I heard my girls start to shreik and squeal calling to me, "LOOK MOM: BEES! THERE'S BEES!!!!!!" Much to their shock and amazement, I'm sure, I replied calmly, "Yeah, but the man said if we just move slowly they will fly around us, but not bother us. They're only interested in the flowers." So the girls followed my lead and proceeded to pick berries slowly and have a good time!

I did wonder if they were of the Africanized variety, but I quickly thought that the owners had surely considered that and probably had a plan in place if something did happen to anybody. I didn't worry any further nor let an irrational fear keep my from having an enjoyable time along with everybody else.

After walking away with a total of 7 pints of raspberries, my friend and I took all our kids into my new favorite grocery store, Winco. I've never shopped with a friend before but that sure was fun. The prices there never cease to amaze me: black plums, .48/lb, bananas, .28/lb., cantaloupes, .15/lb, onions .29/lb, big seedless watermelons .14/lb., boneless chicken breasts 1.80/lb., 24 pack of cottonelle tp $2.98! I love that place!

Austin and Joey stayed home to watch game shows most of the day. They're really into game shows. Our family favorite now is Cash Cab on the discovery channel. I made them promise to keep processing the laundry: start a new load when the dryer ends, fold while they watch, and put away during commercials. They actually did it and got about 4 loads done before we got back.

All Day at the Beach...just like old times!

Yesterday was the combined young men/young women activity to the beach. They needed us to drive our van, but the more we thought about, the more we all wanted to go down there to Huntington. Joey was concerned that us parents were "crashing" their party, but we did no such thing. We were quite the opposite to begin with. Mark sat there under the umbrella with me, reading Harry Potter (he read it all in the first day, now was reading it again!) until the guys came over, poured ice water down his back, urged him to hit the water and then tossed him in basically. He was a good sport about it though. We couldn't find his swimming shorts to save his life that morning, so he wore a different pair of shorts and a shirt, not planning to go in the water. You couldn't keep him out after that.

Here's Ressa cruising in for a landing---

We had so much fun!!! I couldn't believe what an enjoyable time it was! The girls were having a blast in the water too.

Isn't Melody cute with her front tooth out now?

It did get pretty crowded as the day went on. Here's Mark in the center heading out with Ressa carrying the boogie board behind him.

It seems like it has been twenty years since I was last out in the water in the waves without a care in the world. Now Mother, don't fret! Haha! Maybe I should rephrase that. I'll admit I lost all track of Joey and Austin, but they were in groups with their friends and would pop over to where I was every now and then. The lifeguards were watching with binoculars. Every few minutes I was spotting Ressa and Melody. They were great and had so much fun. All of our family was in the water having a blast! Mark and I were holding onto each other out there jumping up and over the waves or diving down under. It was a blast...until he yelled "go up" at the same time I said, "go under!" That was one of those times when the waves thrashed us around right up to the sand. We'd come up trying to get our bearings with Ressa and Melody either laughing at us or with us. I felt like a kid again out there in the waves and can't wait to do it again!

"CYA SHIRT" looks so good!

This has proven to be a fun, easy way to teach my sons how to iron the parts of their shirts, and in what order.

• C stands for collar,
• Y stands for yoke,
• A stands for arms,
• SHIRT means to iron the body of the shirt.

Austin has taken this little saying to heart and earned $1.25/item yesterday. He started by ironing about six items to get the money to go see a movie. Then he decided it's no fun to go to a movie and not buy snacks, so he ironed three more. Last, he wanted to have a little more so he wound up ironing 12 items. I felt good seeing him work harder to earn more money and learn a good skill at the same time.

Dinner Out to See the Kids!

We took the kids over to eat at the local restaurant where our kids are working. There's Ashley and Joey in their Hawaiian garb. They both stay very busy. Right after we got there, Ressa said, "Look Joey's doing some job stuff!" Mark and I love ordering a side of grilled veges. They're always so good. He can make them at home down in a special-holey-grilling-pan in the BBQ. Mark knows just the right spice combo and we all go wild over them! Yum!

How old IS this guy?

Help me out here... I'm confused! Below is the short biography of William Nigh, the director of a new movie out in the theaters called "Underdog." I was reading the credits and have to ask, "how old is this director? 110?" Also, is this Bill Nye the science guy?? There's a photo of a much younger version of this fellow down below.

A Wisconsin-born actor-turned-director, Nigh entered the movie business in 1911 and made his directorial debut in two-reel comedies for Mack Sennett. He made his first feature film in 1915, and entered the sound era as a specialist in thrillers and action films, including westerns. One of Nigh's early talkies, Lord Byron of Broadway (co-directed with Harry Beaumont), was made for MGM, but after that he generally confined himself to work for the smaller studios, including Columbia and Monogram, and as a B-picture specialist at Universal. He hit his full stride during the '40s, with the juvenile delinquency drama Mob Town (1941), the mystery thriller The Strange Case of Dr. Rx (1942), the East Side Kids' crime drama Mr. Wise Guy (1942), and the topical thriller Black Dragons (1942). His most widely seen film was probably the wartime romantic drama Corregidor (1943). Nigh also directed two of the late entries in the Cisco Kid series, The Gay Cavalier and Beauty and the Bandit, starring Gilbert Roland

A New Weather Picture...

Thought I'd try something new here. I'm tired of the weather pixies not showing very accurate weather conditions. Now I think I found something that shows everyone's weather and is more accurate. I tried grouping them by similar weather patterns. For instance, Mom's, Marilyn's and mine I would expect to be somewhat similar. On the other hand, I would expect Barbie's and Steph's to be most similar. And Kevin, I can't help that you're out there in the boonies somewhere :D Since weather comparisons are the most interesting things on this blog, I put it all at the top. Let me know if it's too much.

One thing I do know for sure is that I've spent way too long on this. The picture Ressa just delivered to me says it all! Time to sign off!